


Thanatos

by thisisapaige



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Empty, Castiel talks to the many different versions of himself, Happy Ending, M/M, Memory Loss, Mythology - Freeform, One Shot, but he never stays there for long, it's gonna take a lot to drag Cas away from Deeean, there's nothing that a hundred deaths or more could ever dooooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisapaige/pseuds/thisisapaige
Summary: Across the multiverse, Castiel has died again and again. All versions of Castiel died for a cause, for doing what was right, for someone important.But Castiel cannot remember who.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	Thanatos

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I've been stuck on the same scene for what feels like 87 years on my current WIP. Do you all like fantasy AUs? 'Cause I'm writing a fantasy AU.  
> Anyway, thank you for reading my procrastination piece. Until next time. :)

Castiel died. Again. That was nothing new.

This time, however, he could not recall how. Or why.

Inky blackness surrounded him. He greeted it as an old, familiar friend, though he could not give this place a name.

There was no panic, no pain, in Castiel’s heart. Instead, he felt calm. He stared into the blackness and thought it peaceful.

“Oh, look, a new one. Don’t you ever get tired of this?”

Castiel’s own voice echoed all around him, even though he remained silent. He hardly recognized it in such a bitter tone.

“Tired of what?” Castiel asked, peering into the darkness. 

“You know: fighting the good fight, saving the world, standing up for the little guy.”

Spinning around to face the source of the voice, Castiel watched as another version of himself stepped out of the shadows. This other version of himself was dressed in jeans and a simple cotton shirt-- unlike Castiel’s trench coat, suit, and tie-- and held a smoking cigarette between his fingers. 

“And then dying,” the other Castiel concluded, punctuating his words with a long drag. “So, what was it this time? Sacrificial spell to stop the end of the word? Angel business? Really bad gas?” He smiled around his cigarette, a vacant, humourless expression Castiel did not recognize as one of his own. The smile left his other self’s face. “Nah. We all know what it was.”

“We do?” 

The other Castiel’s mouth dropped open, almost losing his cigarette. He caught it, then stepped in close to Castiel. He leaned forward, his mouth stretched into a thin line, as his eyes-- his pupils impossibly wide-- searched Castiel’s face.

“Shit. You’re not lying. It must have been bad if you forgot. I mean, I still remember--” The other Castiel grinned in the same vacant manner as before-- “and I got eaten by Croats.”

“Croats?”

“No Croats in your universe either? Good. Though, that means I’m the only one who failed at preventing the Apocalypse that badly.” The other Castiel let out an unnatural, high-pitched giggle. “Lucky me.”

“I don’t understand. I don’t remember anything.”

The other version of himself barked out a laugh. “God, I wish that were me.”

Castiel placed both hands on his head, as if that single action would bring back his memories. He knew his name. He knew he was an angel, even with his dimmed grace. He knew he was dead. 

And that was it.

“Where are we?” Castiel gestured around him to the all-encompassing darkness.

“This is where we go when we die.” 

“We? But what about Heaven and Hell?”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I mean. This is where _we_ \-- as in those of us called Castiel-- go when we die.”

“Those of us…” Castiel saw nothing but the darkness and his other self. “There are more than us here?”

The other Castiel rolled his eyes, bringing his cigarette to his mouth. “There’s a big, wide, multiverse out there. There’s a whole lotta _Cas_ out there. A whole lotta dead Cas _._ Because, if there is one thing I know for sure about us, it's that we are unendingly, unerringly, dedicated to the path of righteous stupidity. So much so that we were given our own little pocket of the Empty.” He blew smoke out of his nose, far more than possible from such a small cigarette. “Go see for yourself.”

When Castiel waved away the cloud of smoke, he was completely alone. It was silent. It was dark. It was cold. He did not know how long he stood there, on an empty patch of blackness, before another version of himself materialized, blazing bright in the darkness.

The new Castiel radiated Heaven’s power, every inch the warrior. He turned and stared, unblinking, into Castiel’s eyes.

“Hello?” Castiel said, after an untold amount of time passed. 

Even more time passed before the other Castiel replied, “You are weaker. Older. What happened to you?”

Castiel licked his lips. “I don’t know.”

The other Castiel never blinked, never shuffled his feet or broke his stare. “Perhaps it is more fortunate that you do not remember.”

“I don’t know,” Castiel said. “Do you remember?”

“Yes,” the other Castiel said. His unchanging expression faltered-- for one, fleeting moment-- allowing his inner conflict to show through. “I disobeyed. For that, I had to be punished. My own brother killed me.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No.” The one word was spoken with conviction. “It had to be done. After all, it was for--” The other Castiel clenched his jaw, the tiny movement easy to miss. “Well, you know for whom I would disobey my brethren.”

“No,” Castiel said, “I don’t.”

A flash of grace caused the other Castiel’s eyes to glow a brilliant blue. “Then, is this a punishment? Or a mercy? Should you seek out the answer?”

Castiel closed his eyes as the blue light-- the full power of Heaven contained within it-- blotted out the darkness. When he opened his eyes again, yet another version of himself appeared, clad in dirty hospital scrubs and a tattered trench coat. This version of Castiel kneeled, trying to cup the darkness in his hands as if it were water. He failed.

“Another me?” He stood. “One must wonder just which one is truly ‘me.’ There have been so, so many Castiels. I hope the real version didn’t try to rule the world. That me was… troubled.” He nodded sagely. “He should have watched the bees.”

“What are you saying?”

“You don’t know? Then, maybe, you didn’t betray--” The other Castiel appeared to shrink, staring up at Castiel with eyes full of childlike hope.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember. Who would I betray?”

“You don’t remember?” The other Castiel dropped to his knees. “I remember. I remember the Leviathan’s teeth around my head. A fitting punishment, I thought.” He thrust his hands down into the darkness, burying his arms up to the elbow. “Sometimes, I think I’d like to forget. But then I’d forget. I’d forget--”

The other Castiel shook his head, then raised his arms from the darkness. Shadows flowed over his hands like water and, in one fluid motion, he created a wave. The wave crashed over Castiel, blotting out his vision, but it passed over him as harmlessly as air.

Castiel heard the laugh before he saw the next version of himself. It was a mocking, angry sound. Castiel’s hair stood on end.

“Wow, again? Still?” This Castiel had the same face, but his aura did not match his body. “Why am I _here_? I’m not Castiel!”

“You’re not?”

“Ugh. No. I’m just using his vessel. I mean, sure he’s in here, but he’s too busy watching TV to even notice that he died. You think he’d care a little more, considering his precious human was the one that did it.” The Castiel claiming to not be Castiel put his chin in his hand, narrowing his eyes into snake-like slits. “How about you? Why are you stuck in this not Hellhole?”

“I died.”

“Yeah. I know. So did the rest of us. Care to share?”

“That’s all I know.”

“Really? Huh. Well, the Prince of Lies knows it when he hears one. And that was not a lie.”

Castiel tilted his head and studied the self-proclaimed Prince. They both had the same face and the same clothing, but that was where the similarities ended.

“Wait.” The Prince’s wide grin oozed with a different kind of darkness than what was around them. “Does that mean you don’t know anything about your boy toy?”

“My-- My what?”

“Oh my dad. You really don’t. That-- That is fantastic.” The Prince laughed, his good humour a horrible sight to behold. “You don’t even know. You don’t even know why you died. I bet it was for--”

“For?”

“Oh no. I’m not telling you. That would ruin all my fun.”

The Prince’s eyes glowed red. Castiel tried to shield himself from the malevolent gleam. He pressed his fingers so tightly against his eyes, multicoloured spots danced across his vision when he took them away.

This time, he saw a woman. She had the same dark hair and blue eyes as him and her dress was the same colour as his trench coat. Her power rang out to him: quiet, calm, peaceful.

“Are you Castiel?” he asked.

“I was,” she said, “in a time past. Now, I am but a vessel.”

“A vessel?”

“Yes. Once yours, but now I am one of the many forms of death.” She reached out, one cold hand cupping Castiel’s cheek. “While Death himself may have been defeated and his predecessor has taken her rightful place, I have always existed.” 

“Who are you?”

“My name is Thanatos. It is rarely uttered these days. I am but a shadow of what I once was, but death is eternal no matter who wields the title. Thus, I remain.” 

Castiel leaned into her touch. Despite her chill, he found her presence calming. Thanatos felt like an old, familiar friend, yet Castiel could not say that they had ever met.

“My duty to bring souls to a peaceful death. I did my duty and I did it well.” She ran her thumb under Castiel’s cheek, forcing him to look in her eyes. He saw deep sorrow. “But I have never been able to do that for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have followed you for years through the multiverse and you always-- _always_ \-- die without peace in your heart. You sacrifice yourself. You lose in battle. You pass away with unfinished business weighing you down. I tried-- again and again-- to bring you peace. I made this piece of the Empty my realm to bring all these versions of you here to find a way to let you rest. You never do. You never stay. You always return to--”

Thanatos gasped and stepped back; the darkness shimmered behind her. If Castiel unfocused his eyes, the shape almost looked like wings. As soon as Thanatos’s hand left his face, the calm which shielded Castiel melted away. For the first time since he arrived in this place of darkness, Castiel felt something more.

“I don’t know what any of you are talking about!” Castiel balled his fists at his sides. “I don’t remember! I don’t remember anything! And I need-- I need to--” 

Something-- someone-- was important. All the other versions of himself alluded to it. There was someone important enough to him that he would sacrifice himself across all the of the multiverse and all of time. Castiel knew, with absolute certainty, that every version of himself spoke of the same person.

But Castiel could not remember.

“Not even taking your memories could bring you peace,” Thanatos said. “I am sorry. I tried. You deserve to rest but”-- Thanatos clasped her hands in front of her chest and bowed her head-- “you will always try to return to him, no matter what.”

When Thanatos looked up, her eyes were the colour of a starless sky. They flashed, once, and she unfurled her wings. The darkness parted behind Castiel. He turned around.

“Goodbye, Castiel,” Thanatos whispered. “Until next we meet.”

Castiel stepped into the light.

*

“Cas! Cas! Hey! It’s just a little stab wound. You’ve had worse. C’mon man, let me see those eyes of yours.”

Castiel choked on the blood in his mouth. He rolled his head to the side, expelling everything within him. 

“Whoa! Hey, man, watch the shoes. I just got ‘em.”

The absurdity of the words, delivered in such a worried voice made Castiel smile. He may have laughed a little, but it was hard to tell with the sound he made. 

“There he is! C’mon, Cas, open those eyes for me.”

His eyelids heavy, Castiel did as asked. He stared up into the blood-splattered face leaning over him. He raised his arm, his dirt and blood covered hand coming to rest on his rescuer’s cheek. When green eyes met his, Castiel remembered.

“Hello, Dean.”


End file.
